Television shows such as Miami Vice and CSI: Miami seem to have created a falsely exotic image of sun, sand, palm trees, and celebrities to everyone who doesn’t live in Miami. But, as people quickly find out, the real place seldom looks like it does in the brochure.

1. Traffic

Tourists with hopes to drive down palm tree lined roads in their newly rented red mustang convertible, the wind in their hair, and the orange sun perfectly placed in the blue sky are promptly disconcerted once they realize the true situation. They are stuck in a mile long traffic jam on I-95, and the only song they can seem to find on the radio is “Happy” by Pharrell Williams. And now it’s raining.

2. Beach

The beach is one of Miami’s biggest attractions, what with the warm brown sand, the refreshing blue water, and the soothing sound of crashing waves. People set out their colorful beach towels and apply what they think is the perfect amount of sun tan lotion, and lay down for a short nap in hopes of waking up a perfect, caramel tan. Five minutes later, after hearing an unsettling “sizzling” sound on their stomach, the Miami tourist wakes up to find that their perfect tan has become a bright red sunburn, painful to the touch. And now it’s raining again.

3. People

TV shows like Miami Vice portray the city as a place where undercover detectives in Ray Bans and tan designer blazers walk down Ocean Drive, their luscious locks blowing in the wind. But, in reality, looking around there are sweaty people wearing Miami Heat jerseys with unfortunate tan lines filling the streets.

4. Drivers

In Miami, where all someone has to do to get a license is take an online test, drivers are not the best. To them, stop signs, traffic circles, and traffic lights are all just decorations. As tourists look around, hundreds of cars whiz by in every direction, paying no mind to the speed limit, and “Happy,” which got old the first time it played, is drowned out by the honking and cursing of the surrounding drivers.

5.  Air Conditioning

In Miami, tourists probably expect a nice breeze every few minutes to give them a blast of cool air while walking through the warm, tropical climate. But, it has been two hours, and all they have experienced is the sweltering heat pounding on their backs. The thought of air conditioning overtakes their thoughts, and the image of fans blowing cool air on their sweaty faces plays in their minds. They run to the nearest store to cool off, but, the moment they walk in, it’s freezing. The cold is unbearable, and the thought of the warm sun starts to engulf their mind.. They walk outside, excited to let the heat thaw them out. As soon as they exit the store, though, the heat hits them like a bag of bricks, and passing out seems likely. They want nothing more now than air conditioning again. And the cycle repeats, and repeats.