Valentine’s Day is coming up soon, so you know what that means: gifts. Here at CavsConnect, we are doing things differently this year. Instead of trying to help you know what to get, today’s objective is to tell you what NOT to get. So, sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

10. Nothing.
The first item on this list is simply to give nothing. If you’re going to show up empty handed, you might as well not show up. Please have the courtesy to at least give your special someone something for Valentine’s Day, as it is the day for one’s love and affection to be shown through the gifting of meaningless material objects. Even if it is on this list, please get them anything. Well… maybe anything other than Number One.

9. A box of half eaten chocolates.
If this gift idea pops into your head, you may want to reconsider your love for that special person. A box of chocolates is a classic gift. Some may argue that it is too classic. Nonetheless, they are a household favorite and chocolate is chocolate. We are only human and if there is a box of delicious chocolates near us, no one knows what can happen. But, still choosing to give it to your special someone after you devour the best flavors is not classy. Having to receive a half eaten box of chocolates would probably lead to an extremely disappointing holiday. Your special someone may wonder who ate the chocolates that were in the box. Hopefully this inquiry can lead to further questions of your seemingly tumultuous relationship.

8. Expired coupons.
Expired coupons are terrible gifts. The higher the value, the worse the pain felt by the receiver. How can you forget to check a date? Is it in morse code? The expiration of the coupon may lead to the expiration of your partner’s love for you, leaving you sad and with no eligible coupons.

“Giving this just shows that you simply did not care for your partner’s financial wellbeing,” junior Michael Klarson said.

7. Hygiene products.
Do not… please. You may think you are helping… but do not. If you do gift these products, expect physical harm inflicted upon you. I would not accept this from someone who I claim to love. If someone were to do this to me, I may consider it an insult and break up with the person right there on the spot.

6. Chuck-E-Cheese whistle.
To be fair, whistles can be very useful. They can referee a football game or alert people of a dangerous situation. Personally, I own one and their noise threshold reaches barely seven decibels. It may work as a dog whistle. With that suggestion in mind, you may not want to give it to your partner, as they might not be a dog.

5. A shirt that is the wrong size.
Shirts in general are a nice gift. Whether they have cats or words on them, t-shirts are a very good gift to give to a loved one. However, one of the worst feelings in the world is to get a very nice shirt that does not fit. The fact that you are not able to look good in the shirt and the fact that your partner does not know your shirt size may lead to a bad situation.

4. A writing utensil.
There are pencils everywhere. If you are gifting a pencil or pen, it should at least be the one President Lincoln used to sign the Declaration of Independence. If not, this pen may be used to create Number One on this list.

3. Anything regifted from someone else.
At some point, whoever gave it to you will realize that you have not put their gift to good use. When that day comes (and it will come), just run for the hills.

2. A romantic getaway to the Bermuda Triangle.
If you do this, you or your partner may not come back. This gift should only be given if your relationship is beyond the point of saving.

“I heard that the Bermuda Triangle is lovely this time of year. The plane crashes seem extra deadly and the paranormal activity is in season,” sophomore Jeannette Perez said.

1. A break-up letter.
Wow… just wow. Well then, I guess your Valentine’s Day took a dark turn. Ultimately, I truly hope in your next relationship (if there is one) you are not compelled to give anything on this list. Find a nice way to show your love, whether it is a hand decorated card or an expensive car, and enjoy your Valentine’s Day.